Thursday, October 20, 2011

Marriage Financial Wars!

If you are a regular reader of, you’d know that the BN Hot Topic Feature is reserved for Friday’s. However, today a friend of mine sent out a broadcast message that totally blew me away. The broadcast message has created such a buzz in my girls group on bb that I decided to be an original ‘gossip’ and share it with my wider BN crew- aka YOU!
Please note that the following Broadcasts was received via Blackberry Messenger. Its authenticity has not been verified, however it is being shared on this platform to discuss financial issues in today’s marriages.
Emeka and his wife Ada have been living in a supposedly rented duplex in VI for the past ten years. He just recently discovered that for the past 10 yrs, the house they had been living in belonged to his wife and they had been paying rent to an agent with normal yearly increases and the money goes to Ada. What would u do if u were in Emeka’s shoes?
AS IN WHAT! Was the only response I could muster! There are so many dimensions to this saga that one is hard pressed to decide where to even begin. Clearly such levels of deception speak volumes on the type of relationship between the couple. At first glance, it’s easy to blame the wife -Ada. Her actions may suggest some deep seated character flaws which could range anywhere from greed, selfishness, mistrust, lying, to being the supreme commandant of the conniving club! But a closer look at the situation, compared with the general stories we hear about marriages these days, could paint an altogether different picture.
One must begin to think about what would make a woman collect rent from her husband for 10 years without revealing her status as land lady. We’ve heard so many stories about men who have families scattered in various parts of the world, only to be revealed at the philanderer’s demise. At which point, the ‘secret’ and ‘known’ families begin what is mostly a bitter and usually publicly humiliating battle for his estate. We’ve also heard about men who for reasons best known to them, prefer to support the lives of their mistresses, rather than face up to their marital and family responsibilities. I’m sure we also know or at least have heard of some men who after marriage prevent their wives from engaging in meaningful employment but refuse to support the lifestyle she had before they met. Perhaps, such stories have influenced Ada’s mentality and led to the scenario above. Perhaps also Ada and Emeka had also adopted a somewhat ‘liberal’ financial relationship where each party takes care of a particular aspect of the home and no questions are asked. Thus Ada found it unnecessary to reveal her land lady status.
Or am I making unfounded excuses for something which is wholly wrong and completely indefensible? Are situations like the one described above, symptomatic of the society we are slowly morphing into? One where we are all focused on numero uno and fixated on getting ‘ours’ regardless of who we affect in the process? Aside from infidelity, many divorce cases sight financial differences as a key factor in the breakdown of a marriage. Could cases like this and the possible reasons behind such actions, contribute to the failure of today’s marriages?
Enough with my opinions! What do you guys think? Is Ada well within her rights to collect rent on a property she legitmatley owns, regardless of who pays the rent? Is it permissible for her to keep secret the extent of her estate from her husband? Under what circumstances would Ada’s deception be permissible? What should Emeka’s response be to his wife? If you were in Emeka’s shoes what would you do? On a wider level, are there any unspoken rules that govern the financial transactions in a marriage? If so what are they?
Let’s debate!


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